Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
YAS. BRING CRAB.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
