I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
