make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
