just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
