do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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