Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
