i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
