if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
