She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
