we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My vagina is officially offended.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
