In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
