So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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