this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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