i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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