ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
