I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
