in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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