if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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