I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
