I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
