hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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