my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
we're making bets on your personal life
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I said "one day" and that day is not today
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
