as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
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