I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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