I am in a vortex of obligation.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
