first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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