I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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