Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
