He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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