Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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