OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
And then my night got REAL pukey
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
