I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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