Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
