Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
wanna go halves on a baby?
i barfeds in our rink
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
