Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
