He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
40s are totally the cure
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
