just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
