why didn't you poke me back
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
