im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
