I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
