google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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