No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
