Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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