Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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