dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
