I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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