Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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