just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
