Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
