WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
This is the high leading the old right now
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
