I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
They are going to name an STD after you.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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