Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
