Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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