Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
