I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
